I am a woman who was brought up like an equal to a son. Luckily as
most Gujarati's migrated to a foreign land, so did my parents and so we moved
away from an orthodox environment. Both my parents were modern in some respects
and therefore our education was in the best possible English school abroad and
in those days we studied till we finished our graduation, which was better than
for those that stayed here. However marriage in India was never of equals,
hence when my father found a doctor in this country, he though what could be
better than this for an arts student. I tied the knot, much against my wishes,
with my now extremely intelligent husband for his family was good in every
manner except for one their 'ideas" were orthodox. They would also stick
to them without thinking much. I hadn't faced the full power of it till my
daughter was born. They were all educated in Gujarati medium (our mother
tongue) and believed education in vernacular language was the best.
My daughter, the
one who looked at me with bright shiny eyes and smile the cutest when she saw
me was the dream I couldn't live. She
should be an independent and important individual and make her mark. She should be the person who lives life on her
own terms not dictated by anyone. I had huge plans for her and now it was
blocked by a stupid belief. In the past I adjusted to my husband’s family and
their ways. I wasn’t very ambitious and succumbed to the law of “the
daughter-in-law doesn’t work” but I was bored at home, for before my marriage I
had worked for ten years. I had my own set of friends and my life and travel
with my group. I missed that sort of company now. Since I didn’t work I didn’t
have many friends and the ones I had were left behind in a different country,
which now seemed like a parallel universe.
However now it was enough. The question wasn’t questioning the reasoning
or the belief, it was standing up for what was right for my daughters future.
The first time I argued my husband thought I wasn’t serious and ignored it
mildly with a smile. When I started filling the forms and announced my decision
the entire family jumped on to me. It was me against them, one against many.
She was after all the daughter of their family and they did think the best for
her, but only as per their understanding. In the end after a week’s fighting
they told me “if your daughter is spoilt in the foreign culture and doesn’t
recognize her roots, you take responsibility”. I was sure she wouldn’t. Today I
can proudly say she has been a studious child, and is pursuing her doctorate.
She also got me to work, fighting against her grandfather she loves more than
her own self and best of this entire blogging thing is her idea. She made me, a
no one into a blogger whom people read. She of course is more successful and
has recently been written about in India’s top literary bloggers. As far is
Gujarati is concerned, she is extremely fond of Gujarati theatre and watches
plays regularly and gets them for me too from the internet
I now have my circle of friends
and I teach now. I also got the best teacher award. I dedicated it to her. I don’t
believe studying in any medium be it English or vernacular makes you better. It’s
just that one should be equal to the world to have s stand and I am happy I put
my daughter on the right track by #StartingANewLife for her that led to one for
myself
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